Dear Martha: My Man Loves Martha (and Me)

Translation: Martha's Vineyard has my man's heart and I'd like more than a sliver.

Dear Martha, 

I have a handsome, caring, intelligent island boyfriend who loves to cook for me. He's great with my family and tells me I'm pretty, constantly. We laugh together, travel together, and generally have a ton of fun just being around one another.

So what's the catch you might be wondering? All those endearing features I list above happen in the months of January and February, let me explain.

My man is a talented and busy carpenter so from March to May he's working constantly getting in all his big jobs before the season begins. Summer rolls around and bass fishing begins, he splits his time between work and those large fish. The lovely month of September rolls around and soon I become a "Derby wife," seeing my man rarely, for the love of the competition steals him away.

What's after that you ask? Oh, prepping and tracking the deer for the upcoming bow-hunting season. October and November keep my man in the woods with his boys and their deer. "Black Powder" season eats up the month of December and what comes next? 

GIRLFRIEND SEASON!  January and February are mine! I have my man in all his glory for a good month and a half and then it all starts over again.  

What's a girl to do? Advice needed (badly).

     -Chronically Martha vs. Me

Dear Chronicaly,

Let's start on a good note, eh? Your man sounds like a gem. A man who cooks for you, laughs with you, and tells you your pretty? He sounds like my dream boy (I promise I won't steal him). But doll, wow, two months out of the 12 to revel in that goodness? That must be tough. 

It sounds like you are knee deep in what might be considered a classic case of "Island Polygamy."  Your man loves you but he also loves an attractive, tantalizing, magnetic dame named Martha.  

This Martha holds many of the features a man's man loves in a partner, she gives him space to play, she never fights with him, she's constantly changing and is full of excitement. She loves to hang with him and his friends and she is well, pretty too. You have a tough game on your hands, chronically. 

Here's the good news: your man's not a dud. His life doesn't revolve around the television. He's active, engaged, and generally present in whatever he does. 

Here's the bad news: you can't change this routine, so don't try. What looks like a life of inconvenience and loneliness for you is a life of passion, adventure, and interest for him.  I'd take it as a compliment that you fit in. But that's not to say that it's all about him. 

A few things come to mind...

How about taking his Martha love affair as an inspiration to take up some exhilarating hobbies for yourself? Or better yet, how about taking up fishing or at least giving it a try? You might find a new chapter in your love by taking part in those things he loves. 

We girls often times think our interests must remain polarized from our man's stuff, not the case. 

At the end of the day there are three possible ways to go about it, embrace your man for his carpe diem attitude, start to become engaged in those seasons and become a new player in the game, or create your own seasonal string of love affairs with our exciting island. 

Might not be exactly what you were looking to hear, but your man must be pretty fantastic in January and February for you to stick around this long. Open that full heart of yours and maybe try on a change of perspective.  

And, most importantly, don't forget to tell your man you love him every month of the year, karma goes a long way. 

Jason Peringer December 07, 2012 at 01:22 PM
Okay, I expect there will soon be a rebuttal... ;-)
Lara O'Brien December 07, 2012 at 01:55 PM
I could never compete with a fish, deer or bird. Sounds like he has a chasing problem. Not a great indicator for the future (unless he's chasing the kids) I dunno, that's a hard one. I think I'd pass. You've used your - call a friend. Can he do a 50/50, that might work?
Martha Magee December 07, 2012 at 04:04 PM
My advice: move to Toledo.
Holly Nadler December 09, 2012 at 02:15 AM
Kat, great to have a Dear Abby / Agony column. Super good job! As for the two-month-out-of-the-year bf, I say dump the blockhead if he can't clear a little time for you during all four seasons! My own philosophy is that you don't need a guy if you have a dog. My own dog and I were briefly interrupted in our fine times by a recent, brief marriage, but now we're back to hanging out, just the two of us, and watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy on a Saturday night! Who could ask for anything more?


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