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Health & Fitness

NBA Investigating Alleged Racist Donald Sterling Comments

NBA Investigating Alleged Racist Donald Sterling Comments:   The NBA say it is investigating an audio recording in which Clippers owner Donald Sterling can allegedly be heard making a series of racist remarks to his girlfriend, including telling her not to bring black people to games.  Aside from the morality issue, you have to wonder why in the hell would someone who doesn’t like black people want to own a professional basketball team?  Why not just sell it, buy a hockey team and live happily after?

Police Find Loaded Gun In Teen’s Vagina: Police were shocked to find that a 19-year-old Tennessee girl, arrested for driving with a suspended license, had a loaded, five-shot, four-inch .22 caliber mini-revolver concealed in her vagina.  Now I’m no doctor, but I’m guessing this has to be a pretty damn effective means of birth control.  Kind of like where gun control and birth control meet.  Personally, if I were her, I would consider buying myself a nice purse or perhaps moving to Georgia, where its now legal to carry a gun just about anywhere.

Corn Dog Argument Puts Texas Woman Behind Bars:  Police had to use a K-9 unit to put a Texas woman behind bars after she threw a corn dog back at employees and then pulled a knife on them, all because her corn dog had been microwaved.  Police say they are investigating the possibility that the woman may actually be a rogue particle physicist, overly concerned about interference in the cosmic microwave background. 

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Youth Pastor Poses as Girl On Internet to Solicit Pics of Teen Boys:  A former Campus Life Director for Youth for Christ from Huntington, Indiana pleaded guilty to charges that he sexually exploited a minor by using a fake Facebook page as a teenage girl in order to solicit naked photographs from teen boys.  Sounds like another case of “praise God and pass the adolescents.”

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Man Crushed to Death By Giant Crucifix:  A 21-year-old Italian man has been crushed to death by a giant crucifix dedicated to the late Pope John Paul II, just a few days ahead of the Pope's canonization.  The poor guy!  I’ve heard of getting nailed to a cross, but never getting nailed by a cross.  Investigators say they have no idea what made the cross collapse, but are looking into the possibility that the victim may have actually been a Lutheran. 

Study Finds Monkeys Can Do Math:  A new study from Harvard University and published in National Academy of Science proved that monkeys have the potential to do math.  Monkeys who can actually do math?  All I can say is, obviously they weren’t students in the LA Unified School District.

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Drunk NYPD Detective Shoots Partner in the Wrist:  An allegedly drunk on-duty NYPD detective has been charged with DUI after shooting his partner in the wrist while the two were drinking at a restaurant in Queens, where they'd stopped on their way to a Queens location as part of an investigation.  Ironically, he’ll probably get off with just a slap on the wrist.

Mt Everest Guides Plan Walkout:  After the recent loss of 16 lives, Sherpa mountain guides say they plan a walkout which is sure to disrupt this year’s climbing season.  If I were them, I’d be a little careful “walking off a job” on Mt Everst.  That first step prove to be a real killer.  Besides that, however, I’m in total solidarity and personally vow to never climb Mt Everst.  In addition, I’m also asking all owners of used Toyota Supras to donate those cars to the Sherpas in the world’s first “Supras for Sherpas” drive.

U.S and G-7 Allies to Impose New Sanctions Against Russia:  White House officials say that the United States and other members of the Group of Seven (G7) will impose new sanctions against Russia because it continues to support separatist actions in the Ukraine.  Inside sources confirm that if differences aren’t resolved soon, there’s a very real possibility that new sanctions could include a ban on exportation of Steven Seagal movies to Russia. 

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