The Oz is No Wizard

I'm so sick of Dr. Oz and his miracle weight-loss remedies. These have included wild mango, rasberry ketones and now green coffee beans. Not one of them works for me, and soon he'll be on to the next thing. I'm not taking any more of his suet-removal advice.

And then there was Oprah and her Akai berries, et al. Like her bank account, the big "O" just keeps growing larger.  It's disheartening when a billionaire can't lose weight; what chance does a mere mortal like me have to discover the secret to "model-thin" gaunt? (I know, I should cancel my subscription to "W" and Vogue.)

I did get down to a single-digit size once many, many years ago. After the initial feeling of elation, self satisfaction and the dizzying delight of getting back into my favorite pair of jeans, an eerie sense of loss came over me. For one thing I no longer had the "I need to lose 20 lbs. (okay 30)" issue to deal with. Good lord, I'd belabored the problem since grade school. "Okay, so now what do I beat myself up with?" I pondered. And it felt physically weird as well; it was like I wasn't "all there."

Was I subconsciously missing the excess poundage that had formerly insulated my frame? "Oh my god, there's nowhere to hide!" It's very difficult to reconfigure one's personal space. Perhaps it was what allegedly happens to a person who has lost a limb; they are said to actually feel pain in the missing appendage--a phantom arm! Is there such a thing as phantom fat? That would support the "fat cells never die" theory which contends that when you lose weight, your fat cells just flatten out and begin their unending lament, "Fill me back up; fill me, fill me back up right now! I'd like a cruller now please." Mercy!

In retrospect, my problem was fleeting because my single-digit weight status only lasted like a couple weeks; well, more like 30 minutes. I can't deny a whining fat cell. It is therefore my personal opinion that reaching one's weight goal is only half of the problem. Keeping it off is the other half. A person must work diligently to keep the weight loss off long enough to feel comfortable in his/her new body--and tell the fat cells to zip it!