A Crapple a Day

                 I recently bought a new Crapple computer. My first computer, an iCrap, is thirteen years old and people kept telling me I was living in the dark ages. So I went out and got myself a laptop CrapBook. Well, the dark ages have gotten even darker since my purchase. For some reason they don’t give you instruction manuals with a computer. They assume you know how to work it. Or you know how to get the information. Even my coffee machine came with a book. If you don’t know what you’re doing how the hell are you supposed to find out? They didn’t even show me how to turn the darn thing on!

                  My iCrap was purchased in 2000--a millennium in techno years, but it took me that long to get comfortable with it. Now I’m in a black hole and spending hours doing the same thing over and over again trying to figure out how to change my preferences. These are the things that you want your computer to do your way. Unfortunately my computer was set up at the Crapple store by a young male geek who doesn’t know me and didn’t even ask me what my preferences were.

                  At best my relationship with technology is one of those love/hate situations. I love the idea that I can save tons of papers without any paper at all. Very neat. I hate the idea that I paid for software that I am unaware of and don’t know how to use. There are applications on my old computer that were never opened. Even though I didn’t need them they are on my new computer, as well, along with about a gazillion new ones that have come out in the past thirteen years.

                    I love the idea that I can hook up to the Internet and I have the knowledge of the world at my fingertips. I can even Google myself and get stuff. Unfortunately, the minute I went on line with my new computer I felt that it wasn’t new any more. It became a little dirty--and every site I take it to makes it less pristine. Things have drifted in from cyber space. It’s like when my kid started school. Suddenly she had memories that we no longer shared. I didn’t know everything about her any more. It made me feel lonely, and left out.

                 Computing has a language all its own. Early on I figured out the difference between software and hardware but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. I think I know what an application is but not well enough to define it for anyone, or how it differs from a program which I’m pretty sure is some kind of software. I bought myself a copy of CrapBook for Dummies thinking it would help me solve some of the mystery. Well, the guy that wrote the book seems to be in cahoots with the people who make and sell the computers. It’s the same old thing. He assumes that you know a certain amount about your computer. They wouldn’t give you a driver’s license without giving you a driver’s manual to study and a test that proves you know how to handle a car but anyone can walk right in off the street and buy a computer. They just assume that you’ll find the  “help” menu and get all the information you’ll ever need. Unfortunately it’s like moving to Spain after taking one year of high school Spanish. Hello! In the valley of techno-speak the nerd is king.

                   To be perfectly honest, except for email I probably only needed a word processor. It’s pretty much all I use my new CrapBook for. It has a different program than my iCrap did, though. I simply can’t figure out how to edit my work on it so I’ve come up with a solution that will be fine until my old iCrap dies. I write on the new computer then email it to myself, cut and paste it into the old CrappleWorks application so I can edit it, then email it back to the new computer. It a little cumbersome but it works for me.